Fluid Life 02.03.19 .Daily Journal.
From the time I was a child, i have been lost. Not so much in the sense that I do not know where I am, but more in the way that I do not know where I am headed. Being raised in a split family, I moved week to week from one household to the other. In a way I had two homes and in a even bigger way I didn’t have one at all. No matter how hard my parents tried to make things feel normal, I always felt like a passenger just stopping by.
A few years ago I was experiencing some big life changes which lead me to take a moment and self analyze. The product of that was the realization that my love for travel and my vice of indulging my escapism pretty much all stems from my childhood of constant movement and change. I had no sense of real permanence or stability, moving every week to a new house and a new family, carrying things with me in a backpack. Waking up in one bed and falling asleep in another makes it feel as though you don’t own any of your possessions.
I have recognized the toll this has taken on my adult life in many ways. I have taken that childhood lifestyle and expanded it to massive proportions. Moving city to city without roots in any of them. Having no attachment to most material possessions and limiting the amount of sacred items to fit into a backpack. Not always seeing the value of longevity and stability, sometimes viewing such things as caging instead. All of these qualities have gotten me into some sticky situations with numerous people not so accustomed to a more fluid way of life.
These qualities have also strengthened many of my convictions and passions. My passion for traveling in general was a natural transgression from childhood. The ability to live out of a pack or suitcase for weeks has benefited me on every trip ever taken. My ease with falling asleep in strange beds has kept me rested in the most unrestful places. A detachment to material items has helped me prioritize my spending on necessities. And being at peace with chaos and instability has kept me clear headed and strong when found in compromising situations.
My childhood was turbulent to say the least but they say smooth seas do not make for a skilled sailor and I am the proof.